Living with Addiction - Day 4

My morning ritual now starts with writing in this blog. Of course, I must have my coffee and breakfast. Oh yes, almost forgot, I have been back on the Seattle Sutton program for a couple of weeks. You can choose how many weeks to receive their food, so they don't just charge your account continuously. I found this is a better way to keep track of the finances. It is not a cheap program to be on, but when I think about it, you get 21 full meals for the week, 3 each day including your weekend. But, with shipping, it is about $185 a week. But here's the kicker, I went off of this to not task my card, but yet, what dawned on me is that in the last month or so, my credit card due to playing the Ceasars' Slots game would have not only covered food for at least three months but it also would have paid the up front costs to the publisher rather than paying them monthly. I think I cried when I realized this the other day.

Today I considered going into the office as a kind of stop gap in the morning, so less downtime would be available when I first get up. My manager has asked that I go into the office once a week, as the company is still allowing folks to do both, work at home or come in. I think this might be duable, however, since I'm still sort of fighting my weight, not many of my clothes fit as well as they could, so I've become very self-conscious about what I look and feel like if I go into the office more than once a week. I honestly do not want to invest in new clothes, because I truly feel, the minor 10 pounds I could lose by staying on the Seattle Sutton program would allow me easily to fit my clothes.

My first therapay session is tomorrow Thursday. For this one, we can do a zoom session as she has about 45 minutes available to me. I think she knows something's up as I'm pretty sure this time frame from 415-5pm is probably her dinner or break. My next one with her will be Saturday July 8 in her office. I think we'll spend this Thursday just talking about my gambling problem. I've mentioned it before to her in other sessions, but I think this time, it's not just a minor fancy, but something that has become habitual. I do not want this thing to escalate. So far, it is not affecting my job or socially as I am still partaking in events with my friends, like this weekend, I'm going to a barbecue.

It has been a good morning so far, as I got up out my bed at 5 instead of 4 and did my normal stuff, like check my bank account, get Merlin up and running so he can start his day. He stays in his room through the night so that I can sleep. For some reason, it calms him and he is not so agitated. I think my Merlin likes routines just as much as I do. I've had him now for almost 20 years. August is his birthday.  So, checking the time, it is already almost 6pm, a perfect time to get another cup of coffee, get my food, take my Iron supplement as my doctor prescribed it since my recent blood work showed the iron was low. She doesn't want my hemoglobin to drop as it did back in 2014, that was a horrible time, I couldn't even breath, I had a stomach ulcer which I still believe had a lot to do with the stress of my former job. With everything that's happen to me and yes, after I resolved the publisher thing and got the new car, I ended up having to get a biopsy on my right breast.  They had found something in my yearly routine mammo so I had to get a second round of images done and then after that, they still wanted me to get a biopsy. You can imagine how happy I was when the results came back that the nodule they found was benign.  Again, I'm wondering if all this stuff could have contributed to the escalation factor of playing the game.

One last thing for todays post.  I am writing so much for the second book in my series Order of the Wolf. This is a positive thing as I'm started to work it into the morning ritual instead of playing the game.