Living with Addiction - Day 152

Good Morning and a very Happy Thanksgiving!

I have some catching up to do...

For starters, I have decided I would have Type Right Editing handle the line editing for my 2nd book in the Order of the Wolf Species Chronicles Series. They did some editing for me on my memoir which was very good. I was grateful the people involved in this company are not judgmental or have issues with LGBTQ story lines or alternative lifestyles. Also, their prices are fair. I've learned so much from the first time I worked with them. I love that they offer 4 different types of editing, developmental, proofreading, line and copy. Each of these they provide details on what is involved with each stage. I had contemplated going back to Rowan, however, with her being in the UK, I prefer to stay locally. Type Right also does typesetting which means they handle the pdf conversion from word layouts for publications like Amazon. This would be beneficial. I have worked with the kindle create software, but maintaing certain design parameters is problematic as the program does not pre-fill once you select the font and style etc., you like.

In the meantime, Dorrance has completed the interior layout page proofs for the first book in the Order of the Wolf series and it looked great, but I had to send it back twice because the first time through they still did not amend the changes I wanted. With the money it is costing me to go through them, I'm second guessing it was a good decision. I'm hoping once they get to the promotional and marketing stage of the process, the money I've put into this will pay off. The jury is out on that for now.

The new story I am working on with my dear friend, is moving along, albeit slowly. With her schedule, the creative process can stall from time-to-time. I am not sure how to do this collaboration stuff, because I have time to write but it's hard to move the story along when I need parts that she has to contribute to. I know it will get done, and I believe our connection will prove beneficial when it is all done. She is a fantastic creative force, with fabulous ideas and her psychological slant on character backgrounds etc., but organizing this into a story format is challenging for her, but not for me. Together, we do compliment each other greatly.

Anyway, the Caesars Slots FB folks sent me an email about losing my VIP status, so I guess this is their last ditch effort to get me to play again, even offering me, multiple bonus points, and tokens. This is certainly a trap and I have no regrets with ending my partnership with them. The whole experience has left me raw and disappointed in myself at the money I wasted which is why I have to move so slowly with working with Dorrance since I can't pay them the full amount for their services. As such, the first book is very much delayed for re-release, probably not till next year or sometime after that. Just last week, I had this sort of meltdown with all the negativity and loss of money that came from my habitual behavior. I was so depressed, I had to call my therapist. Thankfully, some good things in my life came after that. I got to spend some time with my dear friends in Evanston and I had my hair cut and colored which always makes me feel good.

My therapist reminded me of all that I have accomplished which I need to tell myself to do rather than dwelling on the downside of life's epic failures, especially the ones that I could have avoided. There are some things that can be controlled by your actions, but other stuff, well...there isn't anything to do but ride that wave until the next one comes. I'm starting to re-learn this stuff once more. She also said, at this time of the year, many people are sad or depressed as the weather changes and holidays approach. She does not see that I have any kind of psychological disability, in fact, she thinks because I am a highly sensitive individual, that I feel things much deeper than others might rather positive or negative.

My other good friend is on suicide watch and is partaking in a kind of group session with other people like her. She has to attend, I believe 5 days a week from 8 - 2pm. She told me the other day she was just about to pack up her belongings and put them out at the curb for the trash collector to pick up. Well, her roommate saw this and contacted the therapist. Now, they are trying another option. After the ECT she went through back in July, they do not want to put her through that again. Electro Convulsive Therapy is supposed to jump start the snapses in your brain. This treatment is used as a last resort when normal medication for manic depressive or bi polar, suicide issues, etc., fail. She tells me she does not want to check out, but at times does not feel a sense of purpose to her life. I hope the Goddess protects her and whatever other Gods are out there in the universe.

That's all for now -