A Lil’ Story about a Boi Named Squire

It’s interesting that I’ve spent many a year encouraging people to see all of me, not just the BDSM persona, especially in my writing and experiences. I’ve come to find out recently though, that most people are interested in the BDSM experience I’ve had more than anything else. Many people are curious and do not always have the luxury of understanding the lifestyle’s in’s and out’s, etc. This doesn’t surprise me and I’ve never been opposed to delving into its complexities with vigor. To me, education is the key and if my site is indicative of anything, it was created to allow others to share in my journey of self-discovery, awareness, belonging, ups, and/or downs and to feel as if they are traveling with me, or to live vicariously through me.  It’s in the wanting of my audience to get a glimpse into my world through my eyes, that I came up with the name of my site, Thru Squire’s Eyes.

The name Squire was given to me from a woman I was involved with early on in my BDSM lifestyle. She had told me that even in medieval times, some women hid that they were female so they could become Squires, thus obtaining education, respect and a choice to pursue knight ship.  It’s not unheard of that back in the day, it was rare that women were allowed the privilege of an education, let alone the ability to write. Also, in medieval times, the idea of a renaissance was a kind of rebirth, reawakening or new perception towards such concepts as art, science, spirituality and philosophy. A renaissance person by definition than would be one who is charismatic, well-rounded, having broad intellectual, spiritual, philosophical, and/or social experiences in pursuit of a non-traditional existence. At least this is how I understood the meaning and why I embraced the nickname Squire the moment it was bestowed upon me. Even my tattoo is etched with the name Squire in Nordic Ruins. 

By this time in my BDSM experience, the people I met within the lifestyle had suggested I go by a different name than my surname as a form of protection but I didn’t want that name to denote male or female. I also discovered that I was a switch, a person who obtains equal enjoyment from topping or bottoming (see FAQs Page).  Moreover, I did not want to feel trapped or limited to expressing female traits, physicality or personality only. I grew up with the idea of femininity forced upon me by my parents to conform to traditional female elements, like having long hair, wearing dresses, skirts, makeup, or shoes that were so uncomfortable, that I couldn’t wait to go to softball practice in my sweats and gym gear. If you spend most of your teen years without an identity of your own, it’s not uncommon to branch out in order to breathe or rebel against common practices.  

Before High School, I was always a tomboy and did not feel I should give that up for the sake of conforming to society’s gender roles. I think this is also why I gravitated towards being referred to as Boi, because I identified with it so easily although I was born biologically female. It’s also no wonder that I found my way into the BDSM lifestyle as it was a place I could grow and take back my individuality, control, identity and on the plus side, be given the opportunity to explore my sexuality, eroticism, fantasy, submission, dominance, and anything else that the majority of society would find offensive. I’ve always felt deep down I was wired differently and I’m thankful that I found my way into a world that supported that. It was also equally as important that I felt a sense of belonging that lacked in my relationships with my biological family and to still feel protected. It’s hard to believe that a lifestyle that allows for pain and pleasure could feel safe, but to me, and through my years of experience, it was safer than going on a blind date, skydiving, bungie jumping or riding a rollercoaster.

As you can see the whole concept of my site, nickname, choices, experiences, and openness, all coincide in one vast renaissance existence that continues to morph with time. 

Enjoy and Keep Reading!