Turning 50 -

This upcoming year will be an interesting one as I will be turning the big 50 in April.  I'm looking forward to celebrating this milestone with all of the very special people in my life who have been there through the years when my biological family was unable to.  I've been very fortunate that after coming out to my parents I had found a good group of friends to help ease the pain of abandonment from my family.  It was a tough time in my life. I'm grateful everyday for the many blessings I've received through the years.

But before the big event, this year finds me doing a lot more traveling than in the past.  It's been a long time since I've gone to more than one leather event. First week in March I will be in Dallas for the South Plains Leather Fest. I'm quite humbled by this event because both the Chicago Leather Club and the Leather Heart T-Clan in Dallas have pulled together to make this possible for me financailly. I am also looking forward to catching up with JLube Jack and his family who I've come to know through the years.  Him and his extended leather family were originally from Chicago and have been in Dallas now for at least 7 years if not more. I've also noticed that since they've been gone my interest in leather has lessened.  I think it's because when they were living in Chicago, I was never alone. They always looked after me which was a definite advantage when you are exploring sexuality, submission, pain or pleasure. I always felt safe and any events that I was invited too, I always knew I can count on them to get me there in one piece and without it costing me a lot of money. They were all about having me there with them. 

It's quite a heady feeling to be loved and wanted so much.  It was so significant all those years ago I think because they were my parent's age and kind of assumed a very parental role in my life after being dismissed by my biological family who could not handle the gay-thing. It's not that I didn't feel that love from my vanilla friends, but the lesbian world can be a bit fickle if you are single.  In my earlier leather years, most of my vanilla friends were in couples so they leaned more towards doing couple things and I never felt comfortable because it made me feel more alone, not having someone special to share those experiences with. I was fortunate though to have a few partnerships back than so I could enjoy the idea of belonging. 

It's been a bit more exciting over these past couple of years as I've met more single people in my age group, so it's nice to just hang out, shoot pool, play softball, watch football and enjoy good food and drink. It's helped alot because I had found myself a little out of sorts from my leather life whereas most of the people I know now are not single. They go out and do the couple thing and travel to events so I haven't quite felt like I belonged. This drive to belong seems to be a running theme. Even a lone wolf wants to belong to a pack and I believe that has been the force behind most of my personal decisions. I think that's why the CLC folks and the Dallas clan came together so that I can feel apart of everything leather again. I'm sure they sensed my less than enthusiastic social need for leather and found a way to look after me once again. 

At the end of March, I will be in Nashville for an event which will be interesting because the Conductors Run will primarily be gay-male oriented whereas the SPLF event is more straight-oriented.  The guys tend to drink more with lots of cocktail parties and of course hooking up. The other event is more like workshops, seminars and contests.  It will be awesome to enjoy both types of events.  Then in August I will be headed to Indy again for GLLA. So this year will absolutely find me steeped in the leather world once again.  I was also voted in as VP for the Chicago Leather Club. Being an officer will lend itself to being out and about more often. Perhaps that's what I need.  I feel like I've been stradling two worlds for so long. Just not sure I have the energy to do both any more. I am so layered when it comes to my interests that each world benefits me in some ways but not enough to choose between the two.

I suspect that this year will be a lot of change and decision-making.  It's already started.  

Peace