A Return to my Leather Roots

With the upcoming International Mr. Leather Event, the Chicago Leather Club is gearing up for the season. I absolutely love it when winter finally ends and spring begins as I feel like my energy and passions are awaken and I tend to rediscover my leather roots as if it's brand new again. This world has influenced me so much and has made me a well respected leather woman in the community as well as amongst my club brothers and sisters.

This past year has been a challenge surviving my health scare, getting accustom to a new job and my digs in the burbs so it's been difficult trying to maintain some level of service to the leather community locally. As many of my readers will attest I've strived to find a balance between all of my interests and the complexity that is me. I've always been open to change and new experiences and 2015 has started off with a bang getting an opportunity to do a poetry slam at the nearby coffee shop which was a first for me.  Being on the mic again brought back my lipsync'n days, being on stage and giving the audience a thrill. The pure joy of expression is very gratifying and the euphoria remarkable.

It seems I am always in flux or in some type of free fall.  This past year with my health, time became very important to me and how I wanted to spend those precious moments.  I took a step back to sort of re-evaluate my committments to many things as I have felt overwhelmed by trying to do so much for everyone, meeting their expectations, etc., and frankly I got burnt out.  I'm not a huge social person but I do need to be out and about from time to time. Taking a step back was good as I began to take a look at the many circles I am a part of, sort of like a lone wolf moving in and out of various packs, looking for a new home. But what I've found in all my journeys is that the leather world is truly the place I felt I belonged.  Not to take away from the new people I have met over the past couple years who do not identify as leather/bdsm/kink. But even with some of them, I felt a strong need to remove myself from the gossip and negativity that seems to happen within clicks - just like in high school, definitely not a good memory for me as even back then, I was a loner.

It's been 4 years since I was in a relationship and I was beginning to lose faith in finding the right partner within my leather community.  Things just weren't happening and it was mostly my fault as well as I could not find the energy to always commute into the city by myself and to be out so late at night, especially alone, going to the events. My health really took a toll on those interests and at the time I was finding some semblance of normalcy to my liking, other interests such as biking, walking, kayaking, bowling and softball and a renewed commitment to my writing, all positive things that came from those newly formed friendships, but I still felt I wasn't one of them. Even though they claimed to understand the whole leather thing I didn't feel I could truly be myself and had to surpress certain topics of conversation, experiences, expressions, etc. And finding the right partner became that much more limiting. I was fortunate to establish some awesome special friendships that have been a lot more maluable when it comes to the whole leather thing and this has been a wonderful turn of events, gave me a little faith in being able to have such strong friendships where my interest in leather did not discourage their interest in me as a friend.

I recently had a business meeting with my club and it was so wonderful to be around the people that truly get me and allow me to be myself. I didn't have to surpress anything including sharing the newer experiences some might consider "vanilla" with them. That meant a lot to be be fully engaged and not judged in either world. I was home again.  After our meeting one of the members asked me if I would consider running for Illinois Ms. Leather Pride in 2016. I was totally honored by her honesty and frankness. We had this long talk about my legacy and the tenure I've enjoyed in the community and the service that has made me a pioneer of sorts in my own right as to what I have already done in terms of education, advocacy, mentoring and pride, all major qualifications in promoting positive role models and actions and crowning the right person with that title. This intrigued me so I began to research the qualifications and expectations that go along with becoming Ms. Illinois Leather Pride should I win. I still need to research the next level commitments with the title tract. It is important that I not only have the financial backing to do this but the time commitment involved. It is equally important to continue to do other things that bring me pleasusre and to finally stop having to choose between worlds.