ACTS OF BETRAYAL

Wikipedia defines betrayal as the breaking of or violation of a presumptive contract, trust, or confidence that produces moral and psychological conflict within a relationship. So what about after a breakup; can betrayal still happen? It’s been my experience that yes one can still feel ‘betrayed’ after the parties split because some type of betrayal has already occurred forcing the break up and lingers on after its ending. I think this is where that famous statement about actions speaking louder than words comes into play.

I’ve always been of the opinion that acts of betrayal are tied to someone’s inability or reluctance to take responsibility for how they feel, especially when they are unhappy or insecure. What happens is that instead of confronting the situation head on, their actions betray any words said, adversely affecting the other person. And too often that person finds out after the fact or worse yet, from someone else. By then, it’s usually too late to save the relationship because the party who felt hurt by the other’s behavior will shut down emotionally to protect their heart from further betrayal and meaningless words.

Betrayers tend to lack the intellectual discipline and emotional self-esteem necessary to live healthy lives. They are deeply motivated by a fear of being left behind and prone to accept what is given regardless of the consequences or potential cruelty that might surface. They will haphazardly setup a back up plan even if it leads to dangerous liaisons with others once their own truth comes to light. I call this self-preservation because to them, it’s more painful to be alone then to admit what went wrong in the first place.

By hiding their personal truths, self-doubt becomes so overwhelming and decision-making so blurred that they have no other choice then to ‘act’ out, justifying their actions as a means to an end. The down side to this is that they never allow the healing process to repair the emotional damage and loss. Eventually their fear provokes someone else to make the decision regarding the failed relationship. This further distances themselves from any responsibility of being ‘the bad guy’ as if that gives them immunity from personal accountability. What’s even more devastating is that their actions will reveal more about their feelings towards the one betrayed rather than their own cries for help.