The Switch is Always On!

While I'm still looking for that right Mistress or Daddy or maybe even both (greedy greedy) for my boy side, or a primary top heavy switch for my lesbian needs, my Daddy/Sir is actively enjoying a leather relationship with a sweet girl, let's call her M...she loves it when I call her my pet. Yesterday we spent most of the time at her friend's wedding reception and then later in the evening, some intimate quality time together which we don't often get to do as she has many other responsibilities, being a wife and step mom to an 8 year old girl and the main bread winner in her household as the hubby is busy trying to build his photography business.  All in all it's a perfect situation as I'm not a 24/7 leather person and I definitely don't define myself as only a top. What makes it work with M is that she is a friend as well as a lover, she already has a primary, which does not limit me from continuing my search for a primary partner and/or a Mistress, and the expectations she has on me or me on her do not deter our time together. Her submissive side is beautiful when it comes out but it does not define us as solely D/s., nor do I desire a 24/7 D/s element. I can call her my girlfriend in certain circles like when I'm hanging out with my lesbian friends who are not into poly or the leather thing so it's easier for them to understand my situation with M as someone I'm dating. When we are active in the leather community, I call her my pet and she stays in sub space, keeping me in Top space, which I'm beginning to enjoy more and more each day as I continue my exploration into my own leather identity. 

M doesn't try to change me and although she wishes she could bring out my boy, it has not hindered what we do have together.  Her biggest concern is the fear that I won't pursue other interests and she does not want me to let go of someone who wants to be monogamous because they can't understand my relationship to her and would want me to end it.  I try to explain to M that she will never hinder me from being involved with others but I will not be with someone who tells me I can't be with her because they can't handle it. I think for the most part I am poly but it's seems to be prevalent in my D/s situations only.  I believe I am simply a lesbian looking for a primary relationship that is kink or leather based and with a woman who understands that I have other needs that involve BDSM.  I need someone who is confident, not smothering, or clingy, not insecure in my relationship to them, but understands that there will always be some type of secondaries in my life as I've established certain intimacies (friends with benefits) that although they aren't consistent or are rare, when the opportunity presents itself, I won't be deterred from pursuing whatever it brings about.  I can't be comfortable in any situation if the person limits me from other interests. I do need grounding and a sense of family, or home, but the explorer in me is constantly growing and changing. I could be monogamous but I'm not one who believes that one person can meet all your needs. It would be absolutely amazing if I could truly find that but I'm okay if I don't.

People come into your life for so many reasons and they fill a unique part of you that maybe at the time you weren't sure you wanted but in that process of knowing, you begin to realize that you really enjoy being something in addition to what you initially planned.  And often, others may see something in you that you have not quite seen in yourself and it's only through exploration that you come to the realization and much to the dismay of some people's views that you can't make up your  mind, or can't pick a side, top or bottom, that you are indeed a switch and fuck all those who say something is wrong with you because you don't want to choose.  One is always exploring and pushing their limits so why be what everyone else thinks you should be? Well, that's obviously not me, but it has caused some issues with finding someone I could be collared or owned by as I've yet to meet someone who is okay with that switch rather then forcing me to choose in order to be owned by them.  I don't see why I can't own a submissive and also be collared to a Mistress or Daddy, plus have a primary. In some cases, that primary may just be your Mistress or Daddy or your submissive. In either situation, D/s does not have to be 24/7 for me but sharing my life with someone is. It's greater than the D/s part of me but I won't turn off the D/s part of me either for a relationship.

Anyway - this weekend was great and I'm looking forward to my upcoming trip to NM in March.  Life just keeps getting better day after day for me...now if I could just get that illusive job in NM, then I can move ahead with my life but in a place I know I belong and am ready for.

Peace