The Need New Playground Syndrome

Some people have a drive to always keep growing personally, creatively, and/or professionally in life. You never want to feel complacent or content with how things are, but what lies ahead for you.  The need to grow can be satisfied in a number of ways, sometimes it is moving out of town or state, starting a new career, going back to school, a new relationship, and even finding a brand spanking new (no pun intended) play partner. If I had to examine these options more closely, I would have to say that moving out of state would be the hardest for most people but not impossible.

I was at a party yesterday and people were talking about these very things.  For some, the economy is so bad that they are still looking for that perfect job, for others, they are going thru some heavy drama in their respective intimate relationships, friendships were fading or becoming non-existent, and one person in particular was absolutely aggravated by the idea of continuing to work for someone who is an a*hole for the rest of her life.  All valid reasons to want a change of pace.  For me, I kept thinking, all these issues I have come into contact with recently could be why I've been feeling the need new playground syndrome myself.

After my trip to University of WI in Madison for my Writer's Retreat, I have been extremely disillusioned about continued life in Chicago.  Recent trends have put me in a state of disharmony or unbalance and isolated, needing alone time to think. Coming back home was like a shock to my system.  You see, on the trip I had felt such a sense of freedom and creativity, no stress or drama, intelligent conversations with writers such as myself and an absolutely gorgeous campus where the lake was within walking distance from where my class was and where I was staying. The unique college town with it's many bookstores, coffee shops, restaurants, streets that cars weren't allowed to drive on was just about as cozy, slow-paced and peaceful as can be.  When I came home it was back to the 9 to 5, taking the Metra Train downtown, people pushing and shoving, rushing to get to their offices and folks swearing up and down about how life has cheated them or how their partners screwed them out of money or anything else that they could come up with to give reason for their miserable existences or their bad attitudes.  Yikes, I know my life has not been perfect, dealing with being gay and my family's difficulty with that reality or getting fired by my own first a*hole of a boss, or thinking I would fail at college.  But I am still standing and so very proud of what I've accomplished, 3 classes to go and my BA in English will be finished. I'm becoming a better writer, I have long time friends who continue to surprise me everyday to being a founding member of the Chicago Leather Club, and finally, maintaining intimate relationships thru the years but even I feel it's time to get out of dodge and begin to start anew elsewhere.  

Perhaps it is just boredom, writer's block, depression, maybe the loss of sex-drive from my current and past poly relationships that satisfied me before but lately felt I've outgrown in some way, leather and/or vanilla friendships that thru time has sadly, left me unsatisfied. Of course people have other things in their lives which does prevent quality time together and can seem that the friendship is non-existent, but that's life. I have often stressed that as a person you need to look for signs to come your way that help you decide what to do next and I can't help but consider these unsettling moments in my life as a sign..."time to move on."  So today as I sit here drinking a fine glass of wine, contemplating my next move in life, I started looking into other states that I feel would give me a fresh start, allow me to meet new people for the leather BDSM part of me as well as socially and in support of my writing creativity both professionally and personally.  I need to move to the next step and I'm not finding that here in Chicago either personally or professionally. 

In the past few months, I've been blessed to have met some friends on line from the Albuquerque New Mexico area, I call them transplants since some of them are from the Chicago area initially.  It is always good to meet folks from other places, it helps bridge the gap between lifestyles and opens you up to other ways people exist, love, learn, teach, etc.  I have not permanently made any decisions on the matter of moving out of state, just exploring options provided by folks who are of the areas in which I am interested in moving too. I've always loved the west coast, warm climates, wide open spaces, lakes, rivers and anything else that breathes in me a sense of well-being, peace, harmony, mother nature, creativity and balance.  I looked into the University of New Mexico's Masters Program in Creative Writing and found it appealing.  Seems New Mexico is a great mecca for writers, authors and other creative types.  The culture itself is condusive to what I call the writing life with a number of national magazines published out of New Mexico and writing conferences that bring into the area writers from all over each year.   I've also looked into UCLA Berkeley and other California state colleges that have writer's programs or degrees in Creative Writing.  I have been approached by teachers at NEIU, here in Chicago that I should consider teaching English since I am a natural educator and with a Masters or Doctorate degree could send me in a new direction towards academia.  I myself am thinking more of an editor for a publishing company.  Of course, I really would love to be an accomplished author and it would be pretty cool to have a talk radio show about sexuality and relationships, two things I know a lot about and have a great deal of experience with.

For now, I need to finish my BA because without it I can't even apply to a college in a Graduate program and as far as financially, once my car is paid for, it should free up some cash allowing me to save a little each month, putting me in a better position to relocate some time next year.  From my contacts in New Mexico I've already recd a number of links regarding job opportunities, magazines and other publishing companys and housing in that area.  University of New Mexico also has scholarships available for masters and doctoral programs which gives me another option for continuing my education.  I also found out that the UCLA program has a reasonable tuition, less than here at Northwestern, Roosevelt or Columbia College for that matter.  DePaul is pretty pricey too, and cost will be a factor depending on where I decide to move to.  Job wise, I won't actively pursue until my degree is completed here at NEIU.  With offers for housing by folks who would like to see me succeed is also an option, not sure I would take it, but in the near future I do hope to vacation in the respective areas I'm considering to give me a feel for the culture.  Having friends will certainly ease any transitions.

Although leaving home is a big step, I would certainly miss my friends and family, but that's the beauty of the internet, you never really lose contact.  One thing is for sure, I'm ready for the next phase of my life, just not exactly sure where that road will lead me.

Peace.

Comments

[Vince]

I think it's true what they say about you growing where you're planted.

Yes, I made the decision to leave Chicago almost 15 years ago. I loved my job, despite working for a number of asshats through the years, and maybe often being amongst that number od autotrons that population of happy idiots pushing and shoving, rushing to get to their offices and folks swearing up and down about how life has cheated them or how their partners screwed them out of money or anything else that they could come up with to give reason for their miserable existences or their bad attitudes. Life is good. The High Desert has taught me to slow down and value a slower laid-back more frindly pace of life. We often call New Mexico 'The Land Of Manana' -- meaning, if it doesn't get done today, there's always manana (tomorrow).

The workplace is fickle. So much for freedom of speech. When you start feeling the walls closing in, it's probably a good indicator that it's time to go. Cest la vie. Grow where you're planted.

I was in Taos last week. There was a writer's retreat there as well. Space, sunshine, new friends and contacts, a change of scenery...maybe that's what you need. Never too late to reinvent yourself, Lisa.

And, as you know, I look forward to your visit.