Epistle To Dr. Ferguson

Reluctantly I must relay to you,

disappointing news regarding Sue.

Recently she was caught ditching class,

then fighting in the bathroom, in fact.

She breaks our curfew without thought,

lingers in dorm-rooms smoking pot.

She streaks through hallways in her underwear,

forgets her books in the shower without care.

Although her grades have been exemplary,

her social graces lack maturity.

I know I promised your wife Joan,

I would care for Sue, like my own.

Regrettably I must inform you,

we are expelling Sue,

effective immediately,

today at noon!