Wherefore Art Thou Lesbian?

Thursday May 7, 2009 @ 1:53pm

Once upon a time many years ago when I was just a little squire, I began my journey into Leather Land. I was in my 30’s, playing softball, when I was approached by a fan, or rather a groupie, who had come out often, almost every Sunday at Waveland just to watch me play. One day she had commented that she never saw someone so greedily drop to her knees to snag a grounder, not even hesitating about the pain it may cause. She also said that I seemed so proud with the scrapes and bruises I would obtain from a well-played game. I know personally, that if I wasn’t dirty or at least bleeding, I didn’t feel I played at my best. Needless to say, I was a masochist and didn’t know it at the time, so this wonderful lady decided to introduce me to BDSM, and a brand new world had opened up for me.

Coming into the leather lifestyle as a woman back in 1995 was terrific. The Chicago leather scene flourished with many opportunities, organizations and social clubs like SLUTS, who met every Thursday downstairs at the Eagle and Visions, a local dance bar that welcomed leather women into their primarily traditional, vanilla lesbian space. Visions had a leather night put aside once a week for women and held a local Ms. Chicago Leather contest, the winner going on to compete in the upcoming International Ms. Leather competition taking place here in Chicago for the first time. IMsL normally ran their competition out of their home base San Francisco, so it was a historic event having the contest and the event at the Bismarck hotel on July 22, 1995. I attended that event and also met some members of Leather United Chicago, a pansexual leather club that I became an associate member of. LUC (Leather United Chicago) used to meet once a month and I found it to be a great source for meeting people, gay, lesbian or straight. Besides SLUTS, CLAW, a women’s social network in Chicago was very affluent and would host seminars and workshops for the women’s BDSM and Fetish communities at large. Being a leather woman was not only about outreach and education but also about having fun and meeting other leather gay women. Besides the leather scene for lesbians, there were dance bars like Paris, Augie & CK’s, Temptations, Lost and Found, and the Closet that were also available to women. It was a great time to be a gay woman, having various opportunities to hang out with friends rather you were vanilla or into leather.

The next several years found me more immersed in the leather community as an associate member of LUC attending various leather runs outside of Illinois and fundraising events held at the Eagle locally. Through LUC, I met and fell in love with a transgender female to male, but found myself at odds with social groups like CLAW who held women-only play parties. Despite understanding that these events were women-based, I still found it hard to accept that we as a couple were no longer welcomed but I maintained ties to CLAW on my own as well as became more active in the pansexual community as a couple.

While my partner was recovering from breast reconstructive surgery to complete his final transition to male, we took some time off from the Chicago Leather Scene to focus more on our home life. The late 90s was certainly great for us personally but by early 2000, the reality of a 24/7 relationship began weighing heavy on my mind. Part of the problem was him adjusting to his new look on the job as well as some outside factors socially pushing him to remain home bound and not out and about as we once were. His uneasiness to be in the public eye was due to people’s reactions to his change. It hurt him more being disrespected by certain folks who in the past were respectful to him, but now suddenly distant. They would not refer to him as he or Sir, and never called him by his more male-identified name. To me, it seemed like every time we were out there was conflict between him and some people who simply did not get this whole transgender thing, so rather than fighting the prejudice, we became more introverted, which proved unsettling for me.

The day I moved out was the hardest thing I ever had to do. He truly wanted a traditional wife, one to cook, clean, take care of him, and the house, etc. This is a most difficult thing to adjust to when you are still working two jobs, and going to school part time. I know he had hoped that financially he could afford for me to remain home, not have to work full-time so that I can complete my degree in exchange for taking on the more housewife role. Unfortunately, life simply does not work out that way. Eventually, I left the leather scene to handle the personal trauma I was dealing with after the break up but when I was finally ready to venture back out into the leather lifestyle, I had found that it had changed dramatically. I was out of touch and not aware of any women-oriented groups that were still in existence. SLUTS had already disbanded years ago, Visions closed, and if I went to the local leather bars I rarely saw any women out. Leather United Chicago had undergone some changes internally and most of their members were not active socially any longer but CLAW was still around and hosted the women’s meet and greet usually at the Cell Block during IML.

What was more disappointing to me was finding out that dance bars like Augie & Cks, Paris, recently, Temptations, and even Lost and Found had closed their doors to the lesbian population. Luckily I was still playing softball and had joined a women’s bowling league because without those social outlets I would not have met a new friend who invited me to attend a play party at a private club called Just Fabulous. This was truly a unique experience because Just Fabulous was primarily a heterosexual environment. Once they closed I started to go to the Leather Rose and another place called Gallery Domain, both of which are private member only spaces and straight. It was fun for a while being only 1 of maybe 3 lesbians that were members but I was single now and looking for other gay women or transgender female to male play partners. Despite this set back, I forged on eventually becoming a founding member of the Chicago Leather Club in 2002. CLC is a pansexual organization as was LUC and the opportunity to build a new club was very important to me and for my sanity. I had hoped it would bring out more gay leather women socially, but we received more support from the straight community and eventually we also gained some gay male members. CLC does have some lesbian members still but other than that, I really did not see any social networks or clubs for lesbian leather women only.

These days, despite the opportunities that are available on the Internet, the recent trend of low social visibility in the lesbian leather community has affected me greatly, although bars like Stargaze, the Closet and now the Velvet Rope remain open but are primarily lesbian-based and neither of these support the leather women’s community that I know of. I am unaware of any BDSM women-only spaces to date or if there are any lesbian, leather-based organizations or social networks that meet regularly in Chicago. If anyone out there has some useful information for me regarding the lesbian leather scene here in Chicago, rather it be clubs, social groups like CLAW, or any other organizations that are in support of leather women, please feel free to email me at squirelisa@comcast.net.

Update on Saturday, May 11, 2013 at 01:25AM by Lisa Lacriola aka T.Langdon Squire

OMG! – Updated  Monday June 8, 2009 @ 10:31pm

I just recd great news that this article was selected as a guest column for Jack Rinella's leather views on line.  Jack is a magnificent writer and I've been a fan of his leather views column in Gay Chicago since I came out as a leather woman myself.  It is truly an honor that he found my article worth his time and edit for a guest spot in issue #23.  For more on Jack Rinella and his columns, you can check out his website at www.leatherviews.com.  Become an email subscriber and you'll receive his columns every week, it's free and I think you will be impressed with his frank, openness, honesty and vast knowledge of BDSM and the leather lifestyle.