I once was a brave warrior

I once was the brave warrior, proud, strong, loyal and honorable.

Now slain, left in the field to bleed out a slow death. I close my eyes hoping for a brief pause of the pain, seeing only the nightmares that build worse rather than lessen as time goes on. The pain, desire, love, hatred, anger, fear, lust, betrayal, hopelessness, despair, revenge all surround me in my brief dreams. Unable to sleep, the haunting sights, keeping me from peace.

Time is supposed to heal the wounds but they continue to grow deeper, leaving open sores that gap and bleed uncontrollably. Everything I do makes it worse, but doing nothing feels wrong. I don’t know what to do. I wait for the end that does not want to come.

The betrayals, the lies, the dark secrets, they all eat at my soul, my spirit. There is no end in sight, all I see ahead is despair. No hopes, no dreams, a life of nothingness, alone. The warrior that was, lies in a pool of blood, a shell of what once was, broken, beaten, gone.

Unable to find rest, not allowed rest, allowed only more pain as the scavengers take turns feeding. How did I end in this fate? Why was my loyalty betrayed? Why was my honor questioned? What wrong have I done in the quest for life that I must be destroyed of all hope, dreams, love? Wasn’t I loyal? Didn’t I live honorably? Don’t I deserve love, joy or happiness? The ones I loved, the ones I helped the most, the ones I thought cared for me, the ones I trusted with my life, they struck the final blows, twisting and thrusting the blade in deeply, making sure no fight, no life force was left within me.

I am now nothing but a shell.

An empty shell.

Cold, dark, alone.

Copyright Ó 2009 by Chris Johnson