Writer's Retreat - Day 3

University of Wisconsin - Madison

Today was the day I heard feedback from everyone in class about my project.  You can't imagine how unnerving it was not knowing exactly how folks would respond after I read my first two pages. I had purposely arrived in class earlier than usual just to calm myself ahead of time knowing what was to come.  Of course, I worry more than anyone else does on the face of this great earth, this I'm sure of.  I guess I have always looked at things from a pessimistic point of view, that way, I won't be disappointed thus every now and then when great news is revealed, I'm happier than a dog with his head hanging out the window while driving in his master's car. The wind blowing thru his ears and of course capturing all those great bugs in an open mouth, breathing, and panting heavily about the shear joy of it all.

I am pleased to say that after the classes input, I absolutely felt like that dog with his head hanging out the window of his master's car.  I was full of joy and unexpected delight by the input I received.  Even the not so good stuff was stated with grace and ease, and I did not feel stupid, or a failure. I was relieved and confident about honestly turning this project into an actual book instead of just a mere column or magazine article. Personally I don't think I can stomach writing a 300 or more page manuscript.  One of my classmates suggested I can just as easily add information and background about the leather lifestyle, how I found my way into it, the confusion I felt questioning my own identity given that my partner who was a female when we met was now becoming male, into a nicely packaged 30-50 page memoir.  I certainly like this idea better, since I am, afterall, an instant gratification kind of person, thus waiting for me to actual complete a highly large and improbably project will certainly not bring me too much joy, although the undertaking of that sort of project would certainly have a favorable outcome on my psyche.  That doesn't mean I can't think about that later on, but for now, I may just need to complete a great story about my life at that time, easy to digest and who knows, perhaps an editor will pay me to expand the short story into a real book of creative non-fiction.  Ok, so maybe I'm dreaming here, but you know, I got this far believing in dreams, or I wouldn't have turned out to be the gutsy person I am these days, and I honestly think there isn't anything I can't do once I put my mind to it.

Anyway, the feedback I recd had a lot to do with wanting more info.  Since my relationship was with a transgender individual, and about the leather lifestyle of which we were primarily involved in, people wanted to know more about BDSM, and how I found my way into it, given the type of background and family life I came from.  My teacher added comments similar with wanting to know how large this community is and if it includes the hetereosexual society as well as the gay, lesbian and transgender communities.  Three folks said it should be expanded into a book.  Other people wanted to know more about my confusion at the time, why was it a difficult transition at first.  Other comments were about the events, like IML or the bars like the Eagle in Chicago.  People wanted to know what these things are.  One of the women has already expressed interest in working with me as the story progresses.  She wanted to talk more about it outside of class, but we agreed on meeting earlier tomorrow.  She is really intelligent, I think she is an editor, her comments seemed based on that a bit. The teacher also expressed that if I'm gonna mention the person I was with before this relationship, then I need to speak on her, what she was like, etc.  If that character really has no bearing on the story, than it does not need to be included.

What I didn't like about this exercise is that a lot of the answers that people seemed to want will come later in the story.  You won't see it in first two pages only.  I think the only thing that I felt a smidgen of hurt was the style or voice I wrote in.  I felt that it was casual and conversational but one person felt it was too formal and the language was difficult to understand.  

I'm looking forward to meeting the one lady tomorrow morning.  Her comments were really good, she wanted shorter sentences instead of lengthy ones to pace the story better.  She wanted me to be sure that I wrote about my experience with someone who is transgender, not necessarily about him. This is important to me as well, because it really is about a second coming out, not just about being a lesbian but also about the pride of living the alternative leather lifestyle that I found my way into.

Peace.