RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships are difficult. For the most part, I enjoy sharing my life with someone, but it's been my experience that you also need to find things to do outside of the relationship, without each other.  I've never been comfortable with being someone's everything because in situations like that, I can easily feel trapped or smothered.  It's my opinion that what makes a relationship work is when two people bring something to the mix.  I think it's important to be a part of someone's life, not their whole life.  I've been extremely independent over the years and have cultivated many friendships and I know for me, without them, I'd feel lost, almost as if I was losing a part of my family. I think this is because I did lose my biological family for many years when I came out to them as a lesbian.  At that time I didn't have a family, so the friendships I made in this lifestyle sort of became my surrogate family.  It's also been beneficial having friends who support you and are happy for you when you do find that someone special in your life who becomes more than just a friend. 

Nowadays, things have improved with my immediate family.  I have a brother who I'm getting to know all over again and an uncle who I see from time to time. My uncle doesn't live in Illinois, so even though I may not see him as often as I may like, it is so much fun when we do get together, catch up and of course I can't help but marvel in how much his children have grown up.  My mom and I have finally gotten back to that great relationship we once had.  I think after my father died, we got closer. Maybe losing him helped us to heal and that it didn't matter what my lifestyle choice was, as long as I was happy.  Daughters and Mothers do have the most intense relationships I've come to realize. For me, I'd rather put my energy in working through those differences that letting them fill me with anger.