What Exactly is Poly-Amorous?

I can tell you what it is not. It’s not cheating, swinging, a one-night stand, or serial monogamy. Poly situations involve two or more people in a caring, nurturing, intimate, enjoyable, and satisfying existence. Poly is a non-possessive, honest, responsible and ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people at the same time. It’s a conscious choice in choosing how many partners to be involved with rather than loving only one person at any given moment. Not to be confused with open relationships which allow for outside experiences, however, these tend to be short-term liaisons, whereas poly-amorous is ongoing and lifelong for the people involved.

The difficulty with poly-relationships is sometimes you may feel unstable, insecure or not grounded. Most folks involved in these arrangements live active, busy lives and this can prove a detriment if you find yourself needing at least one of your partners but neither were available at that particular moment. I experienced this first hand during the holidays a while back. I was involved with a couple whose family was not aware of their poly-arrangement with me so I spent most holidays without them. We did make time to celebrate, and although this was challenging, when things really mattered, they never let me down. I did feel a sense of security and was loved unconditionally even if at times it didn’t seem that way, keeping in mind that poly is a choice, after all.

During my time in the poly-amorous relationship I didn't feel any pressures that a monagamous arrangement can bring about like unrealistic expectations and responsibilities that sometimes lead to infidelity, jealousy and mistrust. It's kind of sad I suppose because you spent all this time getting to know the person, feeling comfortable with them, but for some reason, they can’t give you everything you want so you have to move on because it seems easier or as some might say, ‘the right thing to do.’ That’s not to say that these same issues can’t creep into poly too, just less likely. The beauty of poly is that with good communication comes respect, trust and honesty. These ongoing and often committed relationships to the parties involved can be advantageous and enrich one’s life.  So, don’t be afraid to talk about poly, you might be surprised by people’s openness to the idea.

And always, I welcome any questions or comments. You can post here or if you'd like to keep it private, email me at squirelisa4u@comcast.net.

Update on Wednesday, March 11, 2020 at 07:59PM by Lisa Lacriola aka T.Langdon Squire

Portions of this article were previously published Dec 12, 2016 at https://illinoiseagle.com/2016/12/12/squires-corner-tis-season-poly/